This is one of those times I should just elect to call
people and talk about the situation because I'm going
to be vague, and I need to talk to real people, but just
for (fun?) I'm going to post about it.

The drama meter is back to the right side (high)
again. But wait! Before you feel dejected or sorry
for me (or whatever it is you feel about me and my
unstable love life), I just want to say: "STOP!"

Why?

Because, I say that LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL!
So what if my road is rocky as all get out some days
and so what if any sane person would just throw in
the towel. I refuse to be sane and give up on
relationships, of all kinds.

If this dude doesn't want to be my boyfriend, then I
will be sad, for a while, but really, I was under no
delusion that he was the perfect male specimen.
I just happened to really like him anyway and wanted
to work those things out together. Presently, he
seems to not want this, and so, why should I get
too bent out of shape about it? I am so thankful
for the chance to get to know him, his history, his
stories, his struggles, and his strengths.

It is a little odd to be on this side of the coin for a
change. Actually, I think I prefer being dumped.
Guess it goes back to my passive tendencies and
my unusual ability to adapt and accept. Maybe.

But really, reading what I just wrote, I don't think
it's that at all. I think God's grace is what is
causing me to feel ok about however this works
out. He has helped me to not base my world too
much on this relationship, and now that it might
be gone, it is freeing to sense that He is right
there, still with me, and it's going to be ok.

God, thanks. I know I might get upset about this
later, but right now I just say thanks. I love you,
I trust you, and I want Your will and not mine.

Honestly though, can you believe he gave me
back the mix CD's I made him? I just have no
capacity to understand GIVING BACK a mix CD.
I love mix CD's.

Just so you know, it could still work out. I know
that this guy is honestly just trying to do the
right thing, and right now he's just confused
about what that is. I still respect him as a fellow
Christian brother and as a person. He has every
right to say what he said to me today. He has
doubts about us. I can understand that, so what
can I say?

As the Nickel Creek song says, "I can't complain."
And as another Nickel Creek song says, "I hope
you find somebody more like you." (However,
he did say he was sorry. He's not a jerk.)

BLLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH
(needed to vent some random, unnamed emotion)

Have a super day. And, for one last song quote,
this one from Caedmon's Call:
"Jesus is all I need." (And I hope you know what
this does and does not mean. I still need people,
but deep down, it is Jesus I really need.)

Now, I think I will call a friend. :-)