Thursday, September 13, 2007

OK, sad story of the day:

So I had just gotten through a rough day of two intensive
classes, one of which was a killer exam. I then go to teach
five lessons. All is going fine.

In comes the sadness.

This sweet, cute little girl that I just adore, turns to me in
the middle of the lesson and says, "You don't have a ring.
Are you not married?"
"No."
"Do you have a boyfriend?"
"No, I don't."
"So...nobody likes you?"

This is the part where I want to say, "OK, give me a minute.
I'm going to go cry and then we can finish our lesson."

But no. I just explain that lots of people like me, I just don't
have a boyfriend. I know she didn't mean it like it sounded.
She is just a blunt little girl.

Anyways, it was kind of a funny/sad story I just thought you might
get a kick out of. Hahaha, Lisa is having a "Man, I feel pathetic"
moment. hilarious.

All that aside, I'm doing great. I talked to my friend Phoebe tonight
and she told me she likes me, haha. AND we're going to hang out
tomorrow night, maybe drink some Brazilian lemonade, maybe go
to the Jazzhaus.

Life is good. Sometimes I just have little "OK, it's time to cry" moments.
I've come to realize though that it really has little to do with the
circumstances of my life. It's more just like the story of being me.
I guess we all have those moments, yes?

But school is going well. Practicum is going well. I am formulating this
theory that I want to do my research project on about how music is a
mood/motivation regulator and that more emotional people are drawn
to music and creative expression because it is actually a form of
regulating their tumultuous emotions. Can I hear an Amen from all
my emotional sistas and brothas holdin' down steady jobs? Is it not
da truth? Don't lie to me now.

mmmm....k, oh! and guess what else? My research prof. keeps telling
me I am smart, and I am having this little moments in my days where
I say to myself, "You are smart," and I'm almost starting to believe it!
I mean, I know I'm a bright enough cookie, but I've never really thought
I was the brightest cookie in the jar, or even one of the top ten.

But maybe I am the fifth brightest cookie in the jar. Maybe I am smart!

mmmm...we'll hold on that one. Tomorrow I'm likely to do something
stupid and blow that theory. haha. Oh, well. Maybe not. Maybe I just
became smart but I haven't figured it out yet.

What is smart anyway? I'm kind of a deep thinker. I'll be smart in that
way. I'll leave the other ways alone though, so those genious people
(you know who you are) can hold us all to a higher standard.

Alright, enough of this smartness business. You don't have time to read
all this!!! Go, live your life!! Be smart!! Own your smartness!!

One last thought: If you feel like you don't understand what God is doing
in or with your life, think on this - God wants bigger and deeper things
for us then we want for ourselves. So sometimes it's uncomfortable
'cause he's making us bigger and deeper Christians with bigger and
deeper experiences that we don't always enjoy. But just let him do it
because he's molding us into pots and jars that will hold more water
in the end.

Dear Lord, I may be a little sad sometimes, a little slow sometimes, but
mold me anyway. Thank you. I know I don't deserve your love.