It's been a while. Brace yourself. (many words to follow)

I've been journaling a lot lately, but I like to let my entries
sit for a while before I decide what's worth posting publicly.
I don't think I could use this as my journal. I'm not that
mature (or is it just brave or willing to be vulnerable) yet.
But really, I'm pretty much an open book, in general.

Here's my hope: to teach lots of piano lessons this
summer so that maybe I'll just have to get a part time job
doing something else. Also, to find someone to respond
to my add in the paper and take over my lease so I can
move in with Naomi come August.

Presently, God has not moved either of these two things
into place, despite my many flyers and such. So this is
where I, as one who has Faith in Him, say, "God, I'm
looking forward to seeing how you're going to work
this all out in the best possible way," and then I don't
worry. I'm trying. I'm trusting.

Oh, here's a list of CD's I really wish I could buy, but I'm
going to refrain for now, in favor of things like rent.

1. Kris Delmhorst (randomly discovered her lately, and
she is so great! I like her style)
2. Sergiu Luca (violinist - playing Bach. Beautiful)
3. Nickel Creek - "Why Should the Fire Die"
4. Eva Cassidy - "Eva By Heart"
5. Lyle Lovett - "I Love Everybody"
6. Ben Taylor Band (have heard a few songs that I
like)
7. Taylor Sorensen
8. Rosie Thomas
9. Pedro the Lion
10. Bob Dylan (one of his more recent ones - I just
have two of his older ones)

Ah, what a better CD collection I would have...but I
guess I will wait. I will have a bit more money after
the Spring Show (I'm playing the synthesizer parts
for West Jr. High's Spring Show, which is a lot like
the Rock Show from Northeast High School days.)

I've been reading some Dietrich Bonhoeffer lately.
Wow, it's great. A lot of it makes me think of lectures
from the much esteemed Dr. Bob (Wetmore) of Toccoa
Falls College. I know he liked Bonhoeffer. Here's a
quote:

"Factually speaking, Christ has given scarcely any
ethical prescriptions that were not to be found already
with the contemporary Jewish rabbis or in pagan
literature.

The essence of Christianity lies in the message of the
sovereign God to whom alone belongs glory over all the
world. It is the message of the eternally other, the one
who is far above the world, yet who from the depth of
his being has mercy on the person who gives glory to
him alone. He is the one who goes on the way to people
in order to seek vessels of his glory where the human
person is no longer anything, where he becomes silent,
where he gives way to God alone.

Here the light of eternity shines down on those who are
ever neglected, insignificant, weak, ignoble, unknown,
inferior, opposed, despise; here it radiates over the houses
of prostitutes and tax collectors. Here the light of eternity
has been cast on the toiling, struggling, and sinning masses.
The word of grace spreads across the stale sultriness of the
big cities, but it halts before the houses of the satisfied, the
knowledgeable, and the 'haves' of this world in a spiritual
sense.

It speaks over the death of individuals [death to flesh I'm
assuming] and peoples its everlasting word: I have loved
you from eternity; remain with me; thus will you live.
Christianity speaks the unending worth of the apparently
worthless and the unending worthlessness of what is
apparently so valuable."

Isn't that just.... (where's that wheel of adjectives when
you really need it?) amazing? Inspiring and true, for sure.

Through reading this, through wonderful sermons from
pastor Bill on Hebrews 11, and through hard experiences
at school, feeling so inadequate and incapable of demanding
respect from kids that aren't inclined to give it to me, I have
been growing. My mind has been turning different things
around in a way that is affecting my soul, and it's good.

I wrote on April 21:
"Words on paper cannot tell
this sunrise breakthrough in the depths rising.
This love is for and from the same, holy other."

I want to give a shout-out to the Jazzhaus of Lawrence.
I went there for the first time last Sat. It was cool. I
really needed just to be around people that night, so
I took myself down there and listened to the band play.

Michial, if you're reading this, I had some Bill Mallonee come
up on my iTunes today and I smiled. That guy is so honest
in his songs, and so passionate about being honest. I like
that.

Last Sunday I made 105 cookies. (for a friend so he could
bribe his students into giving him a good teacher evaluation.
He's a grad. student in economics)

Some of them were green. (green tea powder - his idea)

OK, there it is - everything I have to say. Oh, wait. One
last thing. A quote (Jamie likes this quote) from one of
my kids, Andrea:

"Don't talk to Lisa like that! She's my HOMEGIRL!"
(said with lots of attitude)

Yes! I love it. Some kids treat me like crap, but then
some would go to war for me. That's not necessarily a
good thing, 'cause she literally would GO TO WAR for
me, but you gotta love the girl. :-)

BYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (I can't believe how long this is. Oh, wait,
yes I can)