Hey, do you mind if I use you for a minute, cute
blog reader? I don't feel like journaling on paper
tonight, so I'm going to process my thoughts
on you. (yes, you are cute. very cute.)

So Monday was wonderful. I actually started
the day right, getting up earlier than I had
to (can you believe it?) and having some much
needed God time at the nearby park. The
whole day seemed to be much affected by
this. I read mostly in John. Jesus is so amazing.

Tuesday, for reasons largely unkonwn, felt
like a disaster. The day with my girl started
great, but by the end of the day she had left
a huge claw mark on my neck and we were
both miserable. She had a massive "meltdown"
as we like to call it, that extended for hours,
and through having to drive her and her
sister into town for her sister's Tae-Kwon-Do
lesson.

And on top of that, I was having these weird
thoughts and feelings of doubt about the very
things I base my existence around. I was
questioning my faith on some level. Was this
just because my day was so rough even though
I started it in the same fashion as the day
before and I was disillusioned? Or was it
because I have been corresponding with
someone about doubts and it was starting to
get to me? Don't know. All I know is I was
thinking about that Chris Rice song that says,
"Why can't every day, can't every day be like
today?" and then after the next verse, "Why
should any day, should any day be like today?"

But then, today, the sun came back! I didn't
particularly start this day right, but God was
gracious (I don't suppose he goes around giving
us good or bad days purely based on how much
time we've spent with Him. That would be works
oriented.) Had two great piano lessons with two
wonderful kids (well, one was about 16), and then
the day with the kiddo was overall awesome. Sure
there were some poopy messes and such, and
the occasional melt-down, but nothing like
yesterday. We got to go swimming, we had fun
with clapping bubbles and twirling toilet paper
(sound strange? well actually it was super fun)
and kicking a ball...and I fell in love all over
again.

I love that girl. Seriously, autistic kids are so
fascinating and cool. They are fun to talk to
because part of the time you just make
silly noises back and forth, slightly changing
them up now and then to keep things interesting.
I sometimes do this with "normal" people, so it's
been fun doing it with her too. (Kim Williams and
I used to do this a lot instead of having "normal"
conversations when we roomed together. It was
AWESOME.)

I want to keep being intentional about praying
and being in the Word. If I don't do this, I will
inevitably slide backwards. But prayer, specific
prayer, is very important. Sometimes I struggle
with this, it seems especially in the last year.
I get so focused on doing and being a responsible
grown-up that I forget the importance of childlike
faith and just asking my Father and not worrying.
I need to remember what's really important: Jesus
and people. I need to pray for the people God
has put in my life and on my heart to pray for.

Hey, guess what? It turns out that if a kid is
having a big fit, sometimes the best thing to do
is nothing at all. Seriously, if you just kind of
ignore them (in a loving manner) for a bit and
then express care it seems to be much more
effective then stressing out or trying to scold
at this point. Just an observation.

Here's a thought: God doesn't want us to be
strong on our own, 'cause then we might
mistake the victories in our life as being from
our own hand. Just read about Gideon and
how God sent thousands of soldiers home
for this very reason before a big battle. So
if you feel weak, you're right where you ought
to be so that God can move in an unmistakable
way. We need God and we need each other too,
especially our Christian brothers and sisters.

Here's a great verse:
"Stop judgimg by mere appearances and make a
right judgment."
--John 7:24

Oh, and

"He who belongs to God hears what God says."
--John 8:47

Or how about

"I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat
falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a
single seed. But if it dies, it produces many
seeds. The man who loves his life will lose it,
while the man who hates his life in this world
will keep it for eternal life."
--John 12:24-25

It is a challenging thought that we all come at
these kinds of verses with our own grid of
understanding, and who knows if we are
really understanding these statements in the
way that God intended. However, I believe the
Holy Spirit does aide us in this respect. Thank
God for that. It can still seem kind of messy
sometimes though. People come from all
kinds of upbringings and experiences. I
guess we all need each other to truly
understand God. On our own we'll just get
stuck in our own way of thinking, perhaps.

I was going to post a new song I wrote in the
car today, but I think I'll hold off. It's about
the struggle of walking by faith. Needs work.

If someone named Jamie happens to be reading
this, I just want to say hi and that I hope you are
doing great. :-)

And if someone named Bethany, Kelley, Kim,
Sarah, Jenny, or someone else from TFC, then
"Hi you!"

And everyone else (any family members?), thanks
for sticking this long one out with me. :-)