Know any good cures for one of those
vaguely discontented days?

Read the Bible
Call Renee
Cook something
Drink some tea
Call and leave message on
a boy's phone who I don't
know exactly what he thinks
of me, but I'm ok with that
Listen to "Over the Rhine,"
especially the song "Professional
Daydreamer"

Think I'll go try some of those beginning
ones, as I've already tried the latter.

"Broken down, we're all so broken down
Bandages on our wings
I know I don't have to tell you
Only broken hearts can sing"

Thanks, I feel better just to get some of that
melancholy out onto this screen. There's no
good reason for it, but that's no surprise.

I've started a book that caught my eye in the
Library because a friend of mine once made
me a mix CD with this book's title as it's title.

The book is about four fascinating people:
Dorothy Day, Flannery O'Connor, Walker Percy
and Thomas Merton, who were all Catholic writers
of the past century.

Anyone know the book? I know Kristi already does.
I'm sure someone else (Michial) does too.

Sometimes I randomly miss people from TFC.
A couple days ago it was Jon Oesch and today it
was Jenny Morden and also her dad.

Two more weeks with my girl. Two more weeks
of my year off from school. In three years I will
hopefully be able to practice Music Therapy.
cool.

And maybe I'll be very proficient with this home
recording studio thing. I'm coming along, just
slowly. It's really fun when I actually get around
to it.

Sometimes I really need to sing.

Goodnight. You are so so special, did you know that?

God, I feel I failed to love tonight. Sometimes I just feel
very useless in certain social settings. I just want a
small group of people (yes, Abby, you know me), or to
just be alone rather than be in a big, impersonal group
that is still somehow trying to be personal, but it's not.

I'm cooking A LOT
and loving it.

Seven Grain Porridge (Nourishing
Traditions)

Rye Bread (Laurel's Kitchen - though
I think I prefer the Sourdough and
Natural Yeast kind I have been making
from Nourishing Traditions. More flavor)

Peanut Butter Balls (Laurel's Kitchen plus
some improving of my own)

Bouillabaise (fish, shrimp, scallops, etc.
from a Soup cookbook. This was a
complicated soup, but worth it. Made
with homemade fish stock. I know, I'm
crazy)

Pork and Potatoe Curry (Indian Cooking,
I substituted for Lamb)

Spiced Kidney Beans with Ginger and Yoghurt
(Indian Cooking - a book from Renee by the way!)

I dunno, I just like food.

Had an incredible experience today up on the
hill that overlooks Clinton Lake. First of all, let
me set the stage. It was cloudy, 79 degrees,
perfectly peaceful, with a painfully tender breeze
that was so fragile it could kill you to try and
conquer it.

I was feeling reflective and aware that God has
been teaching me more of what it means to be
content in whatever circumstance (much of this
through awesome discussion at girls Bible study
and thoughts brought on by question of Michial's
when we had dinner the other night). So then
I look over to my right and am startled to notice
that there is a kind of dense white fog keeping me
from even being able to see the far side of the lake.

Then I notice that the "fog" is slowly creeping towards
me.

Then I realize that the "fog" is in fact a huge downpour
of rain headed straight for me and my exposed journal.

Quickly, I pack up my stuff, run to the edge of the hill to
get a closer look at the amazing sight, and then giggle
with excitement, and finally make my flight down the
hill, which quickly turns into an adventure in the rain.
I felt like I was in some Jane Austen book (haven't
actually read any, but you know, I've seen the movies..)
and some guy was going to ride in on a horse to rescue
me before I died of cold. But it's ok, I'm sure he was
busy doing something more important. It really wasn't
that cold anyway. It was plain fun and crazy.

Then I dripped water on the Hy-Vee floor so I could
purchase some corn, almonds, peanut butter, etc.

Just so you know, there is a level of information about
my life that is slightly below this surface that I will
share possibly later. There is a new song, and there
are new thoughts and feelings etc.

In closing: I love conversations, friends, and you.
There is nobody like you.

Why was I laughing out loud while fueling my
car today and then later almost crying by the
side of the road? What a great question.

Well, I had a long day with the kiddo (the
pool was ok, but the day ended with her
getting out of her seat and pulling my hair
in the car and then hitting me in the face
just as her dad was walking over to pick
her up. The one consolation is that I
think it was a desperate attempt to not
have to go home - who knows why - in
favor of having yet another time out...
I dunno, but that's my hunch. It was
bizarre)

So this guy walks up to me while I'm at
the Kwik Shop to say this to me:

guy: "Did you know there's something
hanging off the end of your car?"

me: "Yeah, I know. Thanks."

guy: "It looks like a tail."

Now, I don't know exactly why, maybe
it was a release of all of the tension of
the day, but this last comment, which
is actually quite true, just made me
laugh out loud for several minutes
after he walked away. It's so true!
My car has a tail. I love it.
I really should figure out how to
pull that thing off. Oh, well.

Oh, and the almost crying thing is
becuase turns out after I finish
fueling, my car decides to not let
me shift out of park AT ALL.
Something's busted. AAA, towing,
the whole experience, AND THEN...

when I was walking home from the
mechanic (just up the road from my
apt.), there was this ADORABLE little
birdie just hopping along beside me
and then as it cheerily hopped ever
so innocently onto the street.....

SMASH! A car bulldozes right over
it, smooshing it into the dirty
pavement. I wanted to scream.

What a day, what a day, what a
day, WHAT A DAY!

But now, at the end of it, I know God
can use all things for good. It is good
to have friends to tell such horrendous
things to and then pray with.

How was your day?

Now fear the Lord and serve him with all
faithfulness. Throw away the gods your
forefathers worshiped beyond the River
in Egypt, and serve the Lord.

...throw away the foreign gods that are
among you and yield your hearts to the
Lord, the God of Israel.

(excerpts from Joshua 24)


I'm coming up for air,
in need of fresh perspective
and a youthful inspiration
Up here the air is rare
But rare is my objective
regardless of respiration

The rockies are gorgeous

Sleeping on an uneven, hard dirt
surface, crammed in a little tent
with 3 other girls is hideous.

God however, is breathtaking, amazing

(excerpts from my journal in Colorado)


We hiked 12 miles in the Colorado rockies.
We slept under the stars and by the light
of the brightest moon I have ever seen.

Have you ever seen a real moon rise when
the moon actually casts shadows? It's great,
great, lovely.

Have you ever been thoroughly frustrated at
how differently people are wired than yourself?
It's messy, messy, tiring.

Love really is a choice, isn't it? Lord, help me
to make that choice, whatever that looks like.
Please show me, help me, love through me.

Nothing of great significance to offer
tonight. Just this plain little update.

My life is going fine these days. Some
parts are good, some parts are great,
some have been rough, and some are
so-so. Overall, I'm doing good.

I'm pumped to be heading off to
Colorado for a 6 day hiking trip with
9 others from Grace EPC! I hope I
don't break anything 'cause I have
no insurance. It should be fine, right?
yeah sure.

That's all I got. I know it's not much.
Here's to being poor in spirit but
finding joy in my great Savior.

Inside there is something empty
Inside this heart of mine
I go around, not even aware
trying to fill it all the time

God you see me as I am
and you know my sin is great
But You are much greater, Savior
as I drown in all I hate

So you have to come and save me
See, I cannot save myself
All attempts have left me battered
by the knowledge of Your wealth

Last night the sky was gorgeous
and I felt your love so free
But today the sky is glaring
into the weakest part of me

Still I trust you more than ever
and in turning from my ways
I am free to love you only
and to live within Your gaze

"Jesus I am resting, resting
in the joy of what Thou art
I am finding out the greatness
of Thy loving heart"

Church was so encouraging today. More
acurately, the Holy Spirit was so encouraging
today. And I am glad to have a clearer picture
of my own sinfulness. God, save me. I am
poor in Spirit, and it is a good thing, for it is
only the realization of something that was
always there.

I am all need and helplessness. You are full
of love and Truth. Fill me with You. Draw
us Lord. Draw all of those you have chosen
in Christ both in this country and around the
world. Show us more of who we are in light
of who You are, but only as much as we can
bear. This I ask through Christ, who bought
me with His blood, and who alone has the
power to change me, and to change us all.