Hi, blog. How are you? Oh, feeling neglected? So sorry...

Time to SAY SOMETHING! SO many things I want to say and try
to express and understand....

The longer I live, the funnier I think living is. I mean,
seriously, how often is life the way you thought, the way
you pictured it being? Maybe if I had a clearer picture in
mind I wouldn't forever be shooting in the dark.

But I'm just still figuring some things out about the details of
that picture, that vision that is forming in my head for where
this train is going. I'm 25. Actually, I'm getting close to 26.
That is so an age where I thought I would have more figured out,
you know, like at least the general idea of the type of guy I would
like to marry. Well, I think I have a general idea... right now I'm
just at a point where I need to be free to consider REALLY who I am
becoming and not try and nail anything down.

This point has come upon me all of a sudden, and may only last
through the night, maybe longer. You just never know WHAT will
go on in this head of mine! The minute you try and predict, that
is the minute everything starts to go the other way. O.k., I'm
being over dramatic. I'm not that crazed really, I just have to
rebel against perceived expectations now and again just so I don't
get stuck in a mold I'm not sure fits.

I have no idea where I'm going to be in a year from now. A lot
of speculations, but no real clue at this point. I'll hopefully
be doing my music therapy internship somewhere (assuming I pass
Anatomy and ANOVA this semester and Dr. Clair's class next
semester..), but that could be nearly anywhere! Wow.

I played some songs upstairs at Signs of Life last Thursday night
for the Grace women's coffeehouse gathering. It was pretty fun
though the noise was bouncing all around those wood floors and
cement walls so that it was really hard to clearly hear myself.
I hope it sounded better to those listening. I got one compliment
on a specific song, and that was a new, bluesy one called "Love
is Just Around the Corner." Oh, and I played a cover by an
artist/friend of mine who I did not ask permission to play his
song. I should probably retroactively ask him if it's o.k. before
he finds out and sues me. No... he wouldn't do that... The song
was "Sunflowers" and now that it's out, I feel a burden of guilt
lifting from my shoulders. I just like that song a lot.

Hey, once again I must ask, is it o.k. for me to not have
everything figured out yet? Please, someone tell me it's o.k.
I'm really trying to equally live AND learn and not repeat the
mistakes of my past. I am hoping and praying that doing so
and simply walking forward in faith, hope, and love, will be
just the way to find that elusive path that my feet are destined
to find, that path where, though it is not perfect, I know that
it is where God wants me to be, and I am fully there and fully
confident of where I'm going.

One thing I read in Matthew today was about how Jesus said that
he himself came to serve and not to be served, and that many who
are first shall be last and the last shall be first, just like the
workers in the vineyard who came later in the day but got payed
the same amount, and even got paid first. It seems so backwards
to us... but his ways are higher.

Lord, help me to seek to serve and not to be served that I might
be a light in the darkness and that I might be characterized
by my willingness to extend myself for the sake of others, out
of gratitude towards Christ.

Praise God for his mercy, his graciousness and compassion.
Tomorrow is a new day.