Tuesday, October 25, 2005

I am coming to terms a bit more with the fact
that although I never intend to be hurtful,
sometimes I am, and I have a responsibility
to learn from my mistakes and curb my odd
personality as best I can so as not to hurt
more people in the future.

Among the many birds that fly, I am an odd
bird in the sky.

I usually can't tell you how I'm really feeling
(feeling and thinking being two, inseparable
strands---at least I want them to be)
unless I have had some time to sit and write
for a while. Then I can tell you exactly how
I'm feeling (thinking). This causes problems
sometimes.

I can be a big pain, but I'm slowly working on it.
God help those who I unintentionally hurt. God
bless them because they are helping me to
realize myself. God help us all to change where
we need to.

If I have ever hurt or confused you, let me just
ask one more time,

please forgive me.

"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit,
but in humility consider others better than yourselves.
Each of you should look not only to your own interests,
but also to the interests of others."
(Phil. 2:3-4)

"Brothers, I do not consider myslef yet to have taken
hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind
and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward
the goal to win the prize for which God has called me
heavenward in Christ Jesus."
(Phil. 3:13-14)

3 comments:

renee said...

thought: i hope that you understand that it is not a personality flaw that causes you to hurt people. people just hurt people by living life around them, with all its bumps and bruises... you do not need to "curb" anything, my dear, only understand the other person's perspective and take a part of the blame when it belongs to you - almost no one is 100% victim in these things. i hope that our conversation didn't make you feel like something is wrong with you. you are wonderful :-)

also: if you are getting spam comments, you can change your settings in blogger to have them protected....

Lisa Bender said...

I have - that is, if you're asking. I guess you are.
Oh, and I need to clarify that the song wasn't intended to be a slam at you personally, and actually was my reaction to a recent experience. I won't deny that there were some other tie-ins that surfaced, though. I'm still dealing with some of that baggage. But like Renee said, it's nobody's fault that life smashes us around a little sometimes. Nobody's completely to blame.

So thanks for the online apology and redemption. Isn't technology just great? The whole interenet world can witness a good moment.

Lisa Bender said...

Joe, Jim and Lauren, thanks so much.
You bless my soul.

Is drama a songwriter thing, Joe? Ha, at least I'm not Faure. That's another level of drama, from what I remember. :-) Hope your enjoying a steady existence...but somehow I imagine you're plauged with your own brand of drama. You are a musician afterall, and you are overflowing with charisma, so that's bound to make an interesting life as well. :-) (it's a good thing, I think). Oh, and you're very right about Renee. What would I do without her.

Jim, I'm glad you understand about musical venting. :-) Thanks so much. Maybe someday I can come for dinner. I would love to see the marriage in action, post-wedding. I wish you the best as you approach the semester's end.

Lauren, I'm glad you bumped into my blog. :-) I miss hearing your voice and laugh.