(This morning's park journal entry)

I had never understood what Romans
6:14-25 was really talking about, at least
not in the way I think I understand it now,
until last Monday when Tim had someone
read that passage during Bible study.
Something clicked. For the first time I
caught a glimpse of the flesh and how it
is indeed, through Christ, a separate entity
from the true me. For it is true that I have
every wish and want to to behave in an
entirely holy and upright fashion that, in
spite of my wishing, I often do not.

"For what I do is not the good I want to do;
no, the evil I do not want to do - this I keep
on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to
do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin
living in me that does it." (Rom. 7:19-20)

But in my Christian life I had always held
a sense of shame within myself for the
many times I failed, because I thought
that any failure to walk by the Spirit and
instead behave in a fleshly, desirous manner
indicated that I, at my core, must really want
to sin, and this even in the face of Christ's
sacrifice.

But no! Because of Christ, I am now separate
from the desires of my flesh and desire only
to live by the Spirit, and am given the Holy Spirit
to walk with me and help me to make these new
desires reality. THIS IS NOW WHO I AM, IN CHRIST.

I, Lisa Enns, do not wish to fulfill the lusts of
this decaying world of flesh that lead to death.
I do not desire "sexual immorality, impurity
and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred,
discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition,
dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness,
orgies and the like." (Galations 5:19-21)

And when I stumble, there is repentance and
forgiveness and cleansing available. This is a
gradual removing of grave clothes and putting
on of a new self.

If anything I am saying is way off, please set me
straight, honestly. :-) This was my recent
revelation. There is no place for daily guilt and
shame. Humility, yes, but not shame over the
deeds of the flesh that I am daily and gradually
dying to.

Praise God that, "Therefore, there is now no
condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus"!
That is a great passage (Rom. 8).

Today was a really great day off. I had an
interview at the Lawrence Piano Studio, and it looks
like I'm going to teach there probably ten hours a
week. If I get this paraeducator job working with
Autistic children that I've applied for, then I can
quit Wal-Mart altogether! No more standing on
my feet for 8 hours. Hopefull, anyway. I am
thankful though for the job for the time being.
Yes, yes, thankful.

Why was today good, you ask?
Feeling emotionally balanced.
A morning walk with light rain.
Good journal, Bible, reading time.
Good interview.
Good nap.
Good peanut butter cookie making.
Good time playing the beautiful
Steinway at the Signs of Life coffee house.
Lady asking me for piano lessons at the
coffee house and getting her number.

The only thing missing was you, my friend. :-)
Hope you're having a good day.

Here's what I would like to say:
God loves to answer prayers and intercede for us
when it is in accordance with his will. His will is perfect.
We should make our requests known and then trust Him.

Also, Lord, may I not get too caught up in my own little
world.

One last thought:
You can't know what's in your heart
'till you step out on the water.

Go, be fruitful and multiply. (what?)
Ur, uh, I mean....be joyful and smile! Yeah.
Just be real.