Tuesday, August 30, 2005

Hello there blog reader.

Here's my personally insightful comment of the
week from a Wal-Mart co-worker:

"You are the most genuinely happy person I've
ever met, and it's baffling. Every time I see you
you're beaming, and that's not necessarily a bad
thing."

Thanks Leroy. That totally made my day. I told
him it was probably a combination of the fact that
my mother is about the most happy person on earth,
and the whole God thing and having that settled. I
didn't want to sound all Christiany with cliches and
lingo, but at the same time, I wanted to give credit
where credit is due. That's been something I've
been thinking about, and talking to Renee about,
you know, how to be a witness, but in a genuine way
that won't turn people off who have a pre-concieved
notion about Christians.

I have found myself missing my TFC people lately, I
think because I am only just beginning to form new
friendships, and there is this longing and this pain for
friendships of old that have strong foundations as
opposed to these new friendships that could teeter
over in a breath or start to grow, but slowly.

When you are removed from people you are close to,
you lose a part of yourself that was wrapped up with
those people. You must now face the pain of having
to start over with other friends, nurishing an
unsubstantiated hope that there will be positive relational
fruit that comes from your input. But what is there to be
afraid of? Nothing, Lisa, nothing. For there have been
immense failures in the past, but when you look back, they
weren't really failures, because God has worked everything
and is working everything out for good. Not confusion, but
God's clarity will have the last word in these matters; this I
firmly believe, even though some nights I cry, wishing that
all things would be clear right now.

I confess, sometimes I wish I knew the answer to the question,
"Am I ever going to get married, and to whom, and at what
time?" But not having a clue about these things is ok. It is
ok because life is a lot bigger than that question alone. It is
ok because I have a sense of purpose, I have close friendships,
and God always hears me and is with me, even in my despair.
It is ok, because I know that my situation is an incredibly blessed
and advantaged one, and that many would trade places with me,
a healthy young female with many opportunities ahead of her,
and not hindered in any way from seeking out life the way
life presents itself to her from deep inside her soul.

It is good for me to face this now. It is good for me to reflect
on my life and consider my present state and come to terms
with all the possible outcomes.

I have GGGGRRREEEEAAAAATTTT news.

I have put in my two weeks notice at Wal-Mart and am taking
a 32 hr. a week job at West Jr. High being a Paraeducator. I am
going to be working with students from a Boys Shelter who are
in transition from their bad home situations and being placed
in foster care. I will work with them in the regular classroom
setting and will assist them with their studies where it is needed,
and will also just serve as a friend to them during this tough,
transitional time. That sounds so much more fulfilling and nice
than Cashiering!! Thank you Lord for this wonderful opportunity.
Also, the Jr. High has a great music department, and I might be
able to help out with some of that stuff, especially in the Spring
show, because of my music background.

Also, I'm going to be teaching piano lessons through the Lawrence
Piano Studio, which just happens to be about a 1 minute walk from
my apartment (no joke). God, you are amazing. Talk about good
location! And West Jr. High is only a few minutes away as well.
Guess I don't have to worry too much about those pesky gas prices.

Here is something from a book for single women that I've been
reading here and there.

"Where Is Happiness?

I feel that this is the question every young woman should
try to answer, even if she thinks she is well on her way to the
altar. To deal with the question is to acknowledge that she
has an identity and a definition other than as a potential wife.
It is to take seriously her own existence as a responsible
adult. It is to recognize that God relates to women directly,
not only through men. While these items for recognition are
obviousl on an intellectual level, they are not all that obvious
when we are struggling with our emotions.

One reason it is important to decide where you are going
and how is that your mind can accommodate only so many
things at once. If you are concentrating on goals and growth
and relationships, you won't have as much time to dwell on
what you don't have. Also, when you are confident that you
are going someplace, you feel a sense of purpose and are less
likely to enter new situations and meet new people with the
raw edge of hope that "maybe this will be the day, this will
be the person." Such a poignant anxiety communicates itself,
whether you want it to or not.

A woman who is forever waiting comes across as dependent.
This may have been attractive in Jane Austen's day,
but it is far less so today. We live in a fast-paced information
society that assumes we have access to the information we
need to make things happen for us. There is little patience
with people who wait for things to happen to them.

A complication for many young women is that they were
raised to think that they were supposed to wait for Prince
Charming to come and kiss them into real life. Then they,
like Pinocchio, would become real people. They, like Cinderella,
perhaps misunderstoods, unappreciated, wouldn't have to
fear, because the prince would come along eventually
and be an exact match...

Somehow we have based out theology on Aladdin's magic
lamp more than on the Scriptures, on the flying carpet more
than on God's glass of reflection. This leads us to expect and
ask all manner of things that are contradictory to one another
and out of sync with life. When our prayers are not answered,
we know someone is to blame, probably God. Or maybe
ourselves, because we didn't pray right, or didn't have
enough faith, or weren't good enough or attractive enough, or
didn't have the right parents, and so on.

One indicator of maturity is the ability to face reality. Since
there are more women than men of marriageable age, we
must assume that many women are not going to find
husbands. Some of the best women, in fact. I hope that as you
examine the realities of your life, you will also examine God's
ways with people, as shown to us in the Bible, and come to
understand those principles which apply to life today.

If ever there was a woman who had reason to be unhappy...
it was Helen Keller. Yet somehow - through the love of family
and by the grace of God - she came to peace and to fullness of
life. She expressed her thoughts in these moving words:

Happiness cannot come from without.
It must come from within.
It is not what we see and touch
Or that which others do for us
which makes us happy;
it is that which we think and feel and do,
first for the other fellow
and then for ourselves."

What an amazing passage from a very insightful book! It has helped
me to read this, and I hope it has helped you in some way, even if
you're not a single woman. The principles still speak loudly to all of
us I think.

Thanks for stopping by, and have a great day! You are a darling person.

3 comments:

Lisa Bender said...

Thanks, Sarah! And yes, the internet rocks.

renee said...

Congrats Congrats Congrats!

See... I told you that you could expect more for yourself than a year spent as a wal-mart drone. hooray for a college education. hooray for musical talent. hooray for jobs that will allow you to build relationships with people you're helping that last longer than 15 seconds!

I'm proud of you for giving God the glory for your happiness. Even though sometimes it feels corny, most of those times, it's just to true not to say it. Good for you.

Love you muchly :-)

Lisa Bender said...

:-) U2