Friday, February 20, 2009

I wrote a really dramatic, despondent post.
Don't worry - there was Light at the end.
Then I erased it and posted this.

Today was hard, especially tonight.
It's hard to not have someone you can make
happy. It's confusing to not understand
why you're alone, and not want to be, but
also not wanting to be otherwise.

In sum.... uh... life? What are you doing?
Did I sign up for this?

Oh, and I'm going to Cleveland in June? Oh,
o.k. What? Yeah, I guess that's what I want.
Yeah, I am excited about it....
So what about being 26 and single? Really?
Oh, yeah, I guess this is what I want for now.
Yeah, I guess...

Yeah. This is where I am. So this is where
You have led me, and where You are. So this
is where I want to be. Please help. Thank you.
Oh, good. You are here. *Sigh*
I think I'll go to sleep then.

In the morning there will be Light and I will
read Your Word and hear Your voice and will
again ask Your Spirit to guide me.

Maralee, and everyone else who happens upon this
post, I sing for you tonight, "My Sisters Return
From Ireland" by The Innocence Mission.

"What did you see?
When, walking down bridges, did you come
into cloud light at sea,
green fields forever,
kindness of strangers,
tracing the old streets, tracing the names?

If somebody calls to me
I'm hoping to not fear, not fear to answer.
How will it be?"

There is something in the tune of this song that
haunts me... in the best way possible.

2 comments:

Jamie Gibson said...

Hello, my blog comment friend.

Cleveland in June? That sounds exciting! How long will you be there? Is this the final step in earning your Master's?

You are not presumptuous. I should take better care with what I post on blogger. I didn't mean for you to see that, and I am sorry that you did. I need to remember that blogger and facebook are not the same things!?

I have never heard of The Innocence Mission. I will have to listen to them sometime.

I am sorry that you had a hard day today. I hope that your tomorrow will be better!

Maralee said...

Sorry you've been feeling a little down. Good thing you've got lots of experience on how those things come and go :) It all seems stinky and then it just doesn't seem as stinky as it did the day before and then one day things seem down-right great! I'm hoping that great part comes sooner rather than later. Cleveland sounds like fun. From what Mom has said, it really sounds ideal for you. Are you coming to see us soon? You've got to meet our new little person. You'd like him- lots of hair and funny faces. Love you, little sis!
Maralee