Thoughts of the day:

Honestly.

I don't know how anyone even lives sometimes.

Anyone who seriously believes that knowing the Truth
in all circumstances is an easy matter is very much not
like me.

I'm not saying it is always hard to know the Truth, as the
Holy Spirit does guide in this matter, but when you really
think hard about things like Catholicism vs. Protestantism,
not just on a theological level, but on interpersonal and
historical levels as well, the truth is anything but clear.

For instance, I am reading this book about the Reformation
and about the "stepchildren" of the Reformation who were
"anti-sacralists," meaning that they were opposed to any
form of coercion when it comes to bringing people into the
Christian faith. Apparently the post-Constantinian Catholic
church and even the Protestant church believed that
government and church were to be bound up so that people
were forced to be a part of the Christian church.

So my parents are supposedly in this "anti-sacralist" camp.
They firmly believe (especially my dad) that no one should be
coerced into the faith, even if by doing so they may later
become true Christians, as Augustine and others argued.

But my father happens to be married to a women, my dear mom,
who seems to believe very much in coercion, at least the verbal
kind. She and my dad have at times been radically coercive, in my
opinion, in the way they have treated the matter of me dating a
Catholic. It scares them to death and they have not thought twice
about sitting the whole family down to interrogate me concerning
how in the world I could have the nerve to do such a heretical thing.

I'm not trying to criticize, only emphasize the complexity of all of these
things in my mind. I do not doubt for a second that my family loves
and cares about me, and I respect them as Christians.

And then there's my Catholic boyfriend, the most non-coercive man
I've ever known. He does not argue or try to convert me. And he always
listens when I need someone to just understand how hard it is to have
these intensely draining conversations with my mom who is trying
desperately to save me from what she sees as my impending doom, when
I'm just trying to live my life as best I can before God. He just listens,
sympathizes, and answers my tireless questions as I am grasping for
the common ground I once felt we had before my very character was
questioned and scrutinized and the flaws of the Catholic church were
set to blaze under a microscope like no other.

And the Catholic church today, at least as it exists in the U.S., doesn't even
believe in coercion. They mince no words about believing that they are the
one true church (not that those outside cannot be saved, but that they
have the most effective tools for spiritual growth), but they no longer try
to convert people by any form of coercion, or at least, not that I am aware
of.

Still, when it comes down to it, I'm not comfortable with the theology that
says you have to take part in Catholic forms and traditions to possess the
deepest spirituality, and to experience the fullness of the Christian faith,
whatever that exactly means. They believe that they have these special
spiritual tools, like the exact way that they offer the Eucharist, and their
wording of the belief that it is the real body and blood of Jesus, and that
you must be a part of these things and beliefs in order to be the most fully
Christian that a person can be.

You know, I would really like to be as fully Christian as a person can be.
I just don't know that it is about a certain doctrinal statement or a
specific tool or form of worship. I think that once ANY denomination
starts believing that they own the tools needed for spiritual growth,
then they are deceiving themselves and the truth is not in them. Not
that they can't have elements of the truth, but they have lost sight of
the heart of the matter, which is faith in Christ and a commitment to
his Word, his body, and his service. I don't think the Catholic church
owns these things. They were the first ministers of these things, back
in the day, but I think they get off track when they fail to realize that
God is not bound by any organization, countless centuries old or not.

These are my thoughts on the matter at present. The only thing I really
feel confident about these days is that right living is not a simple matter.
But then I suppose that living without a care about godliness would be
much harder in the long run. I'll accept this lot, and gladly, because I
do believe that my gracious, compassionate Savior is leading me by the
hand, though I walk through the shadows of this dark and beautiful night.

Lord, help me fear no evil. You are with me. Forgive me my sins and have
mercy on me, a sinner.

On a lighter note, my semester is going alright. Had my first practicum
with the adults with developmental disabilities last night. I did ok, but my
supervisor stepped in and helped me out 'cause my therapeutic ship was
going down fast. But I'm learning a lot about how music can be used to
help people. Man, did it ever help me this morning! : ) I'm crazy with the
songs. Didn't write any this morning, but played through some oldies
that expressed what I was feeling. I'm getting my moneys worth out of
those tunes! Yeah, mine and no one else's, haha.

Been contemplating going on a recording rampage and getting a lot of
these songs down on file. We'll see if I find the time.

I really hope you're doing well. Let me know if there is anything in your
brain that you think I should know about. I hope all of these thoughts
aren't too out of line, and the last thing that I want is to come off like
I think I know anything. I hope my comments about my family were not
disrespectful, because that would be betraying my true feelings about them.