OK, I guess I'm over it. You can all breath a huge sigh of
relief, or something.

My troubled Josh didn't show up for school today. He
was the first. I heard it would happen. One day they're
there, the next, you find out they've been moved from
the shelter for one reason or another. So I won't get
to work with him anymore. No more bad attitude, anger,
rage, pulling my chair out from under me and laughing
as I fall in front of a crowd of people, rude comments,
accidental exposures of deep insecurities, rare and
sporadic hugs, and contagious energy and bounding
down the hall and hiding behind doors and lockers so
he can jump out and "scare" me. Josh, I will miss you.
God, please be with him.

For all his flaws, working with Josh made the day very
interesting. There are still four other interesting cases,
so it will be ok.

Ya know, there's a whole lot I COULD write in here,
such as recent reflections from "Mere Christianity"
(wonderful stuff - we're reading through it in Bible
study), but...well, here's a summary:

You know how when you don't FEEL like being nice
or friendly, but you know you should, you can sort of
just start pretending that you do feel like it, and then
after a while, you actually DO feel like it? You kind of
pretend your way into doing what you deep down
want to do. Well, it's kind of like that with not
FEELING like you are a new creation in Christ who is
holy and blameless. You just start pretending at
first, but the big difference and failure of the analogy
is that Christ comes in and by His power makes you
a new creation who truly IS holy and blameless. But
you have to start from a point of being a desire-driven
sinner who ackowledges their sin, but then chooses to
believe that now, through Christ, they ARE new, and
start acting on this knowledge, though sort of timidly
and falteringly at first.

That's according to Lewis. Man, it's good stuff. A lot
more than I can summarize here. There's also this
analogy about rats in the basement, and how when
you find yourself reacting badly to something but
justify it with "well, I was just caught off gaurd", you
have to realize that circumstances don't create our
bad reactions, they only reveal what was already there.
Just like suddenly coming into your house reveals to
you that there are rats in the basement when you hear
them scurrying away, but your coming in suddenly didn't
create the rats.

Here's a quote:
"It is not a question of a good man who died 2000 years
ago. It is a living Man, still as much a man as you, and still
as much God as He was when He created the world, really
coming and interfering with your very self; killing the old
natural self in you and replacing it with the kind of self
He has. At first, only for moments. Then for longer periods.
Finally, if all goes well, turning you into a different sort of
thing; into a new little Christ, a being which, in its own small
way, has the same kind of life as God; which shares in His
power, joy, knowledge and eternity."

I LOVE IT!!!

And on a more personal note: I am doing very well. Some
days I do feel pretty lonely, but it hasn't been at all close to
unbearable, ya know? Slowly I am making connections and
feeling validated in small but meaningful ways. And God
truly is always there beside me, and even when I don't feel
it, knowing is still enough to get me through those moments.

I actually have a tentative date for next Thursday night. Ok,
ok, so it's a date with a really nice GIRL from church. hee hee,
but she seems SUPER sweet and fun, and she's a high school
art teacher. How cool is that? We seem to really click.

OK, and this is how awesome my church is - we sang these song
snippets last sunday (except ALL the verses):

"Jesus, I my cross have taken, all to leave and follow Thee;
Destitute, despised, forsaken, Thou from hence my all shalt be.
Perish every fond ambition, all I've sought or hoped or known;
Yet how rich is my condition, God and heaven are still my own.

Let the world despise and leave me, they have left my Savior too;
Human hearts and looks deceive me; Thou art not, like them, unture;
Oh, while Thou dost smile upon me, God of wisdom, love and might,
Foes may hate and friends disown me; show Thy face, and all is bright."

(from "Jesus, I My Cross Have Taken")

"Simply trusting Thee, Lord Jesus, I behold Thee as Thou art,
And Thy love, so pure, so changeless, satisfies my heart;
Satisfies its deepest longings, meets, supplies its every need,
Compasseth me round with blessings: Thine is love indeed!

Ever lift Thy face upon me as I work and wait for Thee;
Resting 'neath Thy smile, Lord Jesus, earth's dark shadows flee.
Brightness of my Father's glory, sunshine of my Father's face,
Keep me ever trusting, resting, fill me with Thy grace."

(from "Jesus, I Am Resting, Resting)

These songs so remind one of the passage about exhorting
one another with all wisdom as you sing spiritual songs to
one another, or however it goes.

Alright, alright. I'm done already. :-) I can be so excessive,
and then so silent. I am a moody blogger. Who am I kidding,
I'm just kind of a moody person in general. ur, uh, yeah that's
me alright. Oh Lord, don't you know it.

And on that strange note, (I think it was an E sharp) I will bid
you all goodnight.