Hello.  Time for a blog.

It's always a challenge to sum up life, especially when so
much is going on, both in circumstances and inside your
heart and soul.  But mostly in my heart and soul.  Yes,
there have been some big happenings.  One was very sad,
but God was ever faithful in helping Jim and I repair from
an unexpected joy and hope that ended in disappointment.
And there has been a great weekend in a cabin in Missouri
and lots of getting to know Jim's family better, which has
been just great.  But bigger to me than the events themselves
is how they, and many other growing situations over the past
several months, have begun shifting me around inside.  The
hard situations have begun changing me in ways that I couldn't
have guessed, and would not have chosen due to the death of
self involved, but in the end, very good, and so, they must be
from God, and I am thankful for them.  To be quite honest, I
hope some of them I never have to experience again, but I
know that is not for me to worry about. 

I don't know what marriage is like for other people, though
I've heard plenty of stories and observed a lot.  Still, it's
impossible to really know what it is like for others, since
we're all hardwired in such different ways and experience
things and react to things so differently.  But for Jim and
myself, it has definitely been very hard at times.  I'm not
saying this to be a downer, but just to be real.

Having said this, I must also say that I have all the hope
in the world that we are getting better at this most every
day, by the grace of God.  We've had a lot of those ups
and downs and great days and horrible ones that I hear
are pretty standard for newlyweds.  So I'm not worried.
Still, it's not what I expected.  I didn't know just how
hard it could on my emotions to be so close to someone
and so vulnerable and affected by them in many ways.
It can feel so out of control, scary, and humiliating.  But
I also didn't know how much more full my life would feel
on the good days, which have been many.  And even on
the bad ones, there's always this little consolation in the
back of my mind that I know that even though we're
fighting presently, no one is going anywhere, so we're
going to have to figure it out and work through it.
 
One thing that helps a lot is having confidence in the Spirit's
working in our hearts, and knowing that even when I or Jim
totally messes up, there isn't a mistake so big that cannot be
made right if we are willing to be humble and seek truth and
reconciliation.  One thing I have learned is that communication
is huge, but it isn't everything.  Sometimes talking gets you
nowhere fast and it is better to just keep your mouth shut and
wait for clarity.  Otherwise, the heat of the moment and what
you feel you just have to say to make your point more clear
can get you into trouble.  I am definitely still learning that one...

I hope you are staying warm, especially you northerners!  We
had our first snow here in the KC area tonight.  That wind is
biting!  But I cannot complain.  Renee would be rolling her
yes for sure, being in Minnesota and all.  : )  And New York
can be pretty cold too, although that won't matter too long to
Ms. Shepard since she and Tim are leaving Zoo York for the
wonderful land of Oregon.  Exciting times.

I leave you with a few pictures from our wedding back in
September.  What a wonderful day in our lives for so many
reasons (see people below who made it so great).