You know what is scary to realize sometimes?
That I'm stuck inside my own head.
However, if I truly believe in God and the
power of the Holy Spirit through Christ, and
in the absolute authority of the Word of God,
this should not scare me too much.

What I mean is, while I know my own heart and
intentions, the fact that these may be good
alone does in no way assure that I will not
cause harm to others. Everybody lives inside
their own mind in a sense, and we percieve things
through a dark, clouded glass. We percieve and
interpret life, but our perception isn't always
the right one.

This kind of scares me sometimes. But once again,
I know that ultimately, my trust is in Him and
His ability to cover over my sins and repair the
damage I do to others, intentionally or unintentionally.

I guess part of this fear comes from wanting everyone
to like me and wanting to never have to upset anyone.
I want so much to be a person who promotes growth in
the lives of everyone I come in contact with, by the
grace given by God. And by His grace, I know all things
work together for good to those who are called according
to his purposes... and so, I need to let this worry go.

God is in control. He will bring about his purposes
despite all the things I royally mess over. That is a
relief.

I've been observing some things about this person named
Lisa lately (me). I think I'm adaptable. I don't have a
lot of fears. I am pretty trusting, though less so then
I used to be. I'm somewhat analytical, somewhat emotional,
and extremely open. These are things I've been learning
about myself.

It's interesting to learn things about yourself through
journaling and then going back and reading things and
reflecting on your life path, decisions, and current
mindset. I feel like journaling is a great way to learn
about the human species because it's an in-depth case study
on the one human being you know the most about: yourself.

Yes, it's scary at times, but I'd rather face it and learn
things then be oblivious to what I am. Many times it isn't
pretty, but it is real and, when I'm interpreting my life
through the lens that the Word of God provides through the
Holy Spirit, it is true. I very much want to know what is
true, face it, deal with it, and grow from it as much as I
possibly can without crossing a line into becoming anxious and
trying too hard to do something on my own power.

That's another thing I've been thinking about: worry. I
think worry is the root of lots of unhealthy, unproductive
things. I've observed this in my own life and in the lives
of others. What is the point of worrying?? It doesn't
do any good to anyone. If I'm starting to worry, I think
the best thing to do is to think of what action I can and
cannot do in order to deal with what I'm worrying about.
And if I can't do anything, then I just need to pray and
give it up to God. To hold onto it at that point is a lack
of faith in his ability to provide and care for his children,
or his desire to do so, which is completely false and from
the devil himself.

Still, it can be hard not to worry. But here's to taking
action, one little step at a time, strengthend by the Word and
the Spirit, towards doing that which we know is right, and
giving up more and more of our flesh, putting on more of the
fruits of the Spirit, and trusting God to accomplish these things
in us. Here's to giving up worry and taking up our crosses daily.
Lord, help us.

I've also been thinking a bit about my tendency to lean
towards being "likeable" and being concerned with
being liked. I don't want this tendency to go too far
so that I don't say things that I need to say and
speak up with what is burning in my heart when I'm in
conversations with people who seem not to know Christ
and the way that leads to life. This is something that
must be done in love and at the right time. I suppose
the best thing to do is to continue to ask the Holy
Spirit to guide me and help me not to be a wimp who
is overly concerned with being liked.

I played a new song of mine (written about a friend
back in April, called "What it All Means") at the open
mic at my Lakewood coffee shop last Tuesday. I've also
been swimming more in Lake Eerie, which honestly seems to
get more beautiful, serene, and clean each time I do.
And with the discovery of a new coffee shop with
outdoor seating, and a new park that is massive, with
tons of trails along a beautiful river... well I think
this place is growing on me. I like being a Cleveland
West sider.

I close with some verses pertaining to the importance of
Christian unity. I'm still loving Ephesians.

"Therefore I, the prisoner of the Lord, implore you to
walk in a manner worthy of the calling with which you
have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with
patience, showing tolerance for one another in love,
being diligent to preserve the unity of the Spirit in the
bond of peace."

--Ephesians 4: 1-3

Thanks so much for reading! It is highly probable that I
really like you. 200 friend points for you for reading!
: )

I decided it was time for a blog makeover. Also, today I got a haircut. I guess the winds of change are blowing.

I made friends with Lake Eerie on Friday. Yes, it's true, I am brave. It was a nice and surprisingly refreshing swim, despite it being less than perfect in every way. I'll spare you the details, but let's just say there were a few fish, not the living kind, gracing the shore. Yuck. Oh, well. It didn't kill me, and I feel like a real Cleveland girl now. I've been baptized in the infamous waters.

I've been writing in the journal lots lately. Also, reading in Ephesians a lot. I'll write more if I get time later - more reflections and ponderings.

For tonight I will just tell you that the internship is going really well. I've been feeling much refreshed after my vacation to Lawrence and Lincoln to rest up after the Broadmoor camp phase of the internship was completed. Now I'm working with the adult clients and pretty much loving it. The schedule isn't as crazy either, which is nice.

Should be getting to bed. I'm going to pick up Sarah in the morning and go hear preaching by Alistair Begg. Gotta love the Scottish accent. He is a great preacher.

I made friends with the lady that cut my hair, a random lady on a park bench, and had a long conversation with my coffee shop friend, Jerry, the middle aged Jewish man who writes hilarious and bizarre song parodies. And last Friday I got some dinner with my neighbor/friend, Seth. I have multiple friends in Lakewood now!! This is exciting. They're such a random bunch. Seth is a chef at the Ritz Carlton. Good times.

Oh, and things with Jim are going GREAT. He is a really awesome dude, that one. The long distance thing is always less than ideal, but it is well worth it just to be talking to someone that I think the world of. Yeah, it is going well, and I'm
thinking this will continue... Lord willing (and the creek don't rise). It is such a privilege to have someone in your life who you are crazy about and who values you. There is just something about having someone to love, and when that someone happens
to be someone you could see yourself with long term, well, it's really cool and exciting. Thank you, Lord.

God, our times are in your hand. Please give all of your children patience and help us to put our hope and trust in You above all others.