Hi, blogface.

Guess what? It's 2009 and I'm feeling fine...
well today anyways. Yesterday was a little wonky
and parts of Christmas break were hard, but mostly
everything has been really good. Ultimately, I am
confident that God is and will continue to guide.

Today I got a massage. It was excellent and I
recommend it to all who have untreated stress or if
you did lots of traveling like me over the break.
Man, I did a lot of traveling. Up to Lincoln, down
to Lawrence, out to Ohio, back to KC, then attempted
to go back to Lincoln but took the wrong highway and
ended up going towards Des Moines and then over to
Lincoln, and then finally, back to Lawrence. The
Ohio trip with John was a flight, the rest driving.

So I got a C in Anatomy and A's in ANOVA and Practicum.
I am happy with this.

Over the break John and I had a lot of time together, in
all kinds of different situations, such as missing our
early flight (mostly my fault) and waiting around in the
airport (which actually ended up being not so bad, even
with the cheesy holiday music... you see, we danced a bit
so it was fun). I thought that after all these things it
would be dreadfully clear if we were meant to be or not.
Turns out it was still fuzzy.

We had so many great moments, like singing "God Rest Ye
Merry Gentlemen" and opening presents in Lincoln, and a
peaceful afternoon at the Conservatory in Columbus (beautiful)
and such a great time with John's friend, his wife and their
five kids. I will treasure these and so many other memories.

I think when you date a lot of different people in a mostly
unbroken string for several years, there comes a point at
which you just need to stop and evaluate why you're doing
what you're doing and try to remember how to go through a
couple of days without talking to a boyfriend type and just
talk with God and let your thoughts be what they will be.

It hasn't and it won't always be easy, but I think I need to
enter a phase where I don't report to a boyfriend everyday
about how I'm doing and etc. and rely on him for affirmation
and such, but instead give my thoughts a little more room
to grow. I hope that makes sense and isn't just an excuse
for Lisa to once again steer away from commitment. I don't
think that's what it is though. I just need some time to
grow individually right now.

John has been amazing through my shifting. He is undoubtedly
a true friend and someone whose kindness I could never repay.
I hope he knows what a treasure I found when we were matched
up that fateful day almost two years ago. Where would my life
be without you Dr. Warren? haha.

Had some good times with Renee and Abby (finally together again!)
as well. Songs were played and in depth, real conversations
were had. Carmen lives on (inside joke...sorry).

Also soaked in TONS of adorableness from nephews Alex, his new
adopted brother Alex Matthew, and Josh (the one from Liberia).
MAN, they may not share any of my blood, but they still manage
to be the cutest kids ever, haha. Seriously, they are great
kids and Mae, Mark, Maralee and Brian are doing great jobs
raising them to be good kids.

I gained a new appreciation for Barnes & Noble this break. I
think it's a great way to spend some quality time with friends
to peruse some books, bring a few to a table and share a
gingersnap latte. GREAT! Did anyone else get one of those
gift card boxes from them with the Godiva chocolates? Nice idea.

I fail at transitions. Here is the spiritual portion of my post.

"We do not know what God is after, but we have to maintain our
relationship with Him whatever happens. We must never allow
anything to injure our relationship with God; if it does get
injured we must take time and get it put right. The main thing
about Christianity is not the work we do, but the relationship we
maintain and the atmosphere produced by that relationship. That
is all God asks us to look after, and it is the one thing that is
being continually assailed."
--Oswald Chambers

"The main reasons for living are: bringing glory to God (He deserves
it) and for the sake of tending and caring for His sheep.
Everything else should just a by-product of these things."

"God will accomplish the perfecting of our inner man by the power
(similar to the effect of fire) of the Holy Spirit. All we must
do is surrender to Him completely and believe in Him."
--my friend Jeff

I find the thought of surrender especially encouraging these days.
It really is that simple. We don't have to do anything to earn
God's favor, we simply must realize our own poverty, trust Him,
and allow Him to do His work in us. This surrendering is not
easy initially, but it brings the kind of rest our souls long for,
a Sabbath rest from our worries, fears, and even our doubts.

I hope we can all claim that rest and that this year we will realize
that there is nothing for us to claim or cling to except the saving
blood of the Lamb of God. Friend, it is my prayer that you will
surrender to Him and give up your striving in your flesh, by your
own power. He will accomplish His will for you if you focus on
nothing more then keeping a right relationship with Him. Lord, help
us, help me, to hear your voice and to follow only you.

How are you? Thanks for reading.