Back on April 19 I wrote in my journal, while feeling pathetic:
"If I could just get where I'm going...
I know I would be fine.
Why must it take so long? I need faith.."

Not especially profound, just what I was feeling.

And now, I am on the verge of moving in to my new apartment,
with two new roommates I have yet to officially meet. And in
five days my dear, sweet Chris is flying into Kansas City. And
then we'll head up to Lincoln for Dad's 60th Birthday.

Things are looking up.

But I would be glossing over a little more than Lisa's like to do
to not mention that I'm still battling, still trying so hard to
not be bogged down by my flesh, by this body of death. I know that's
harsh, but sometimes I just feel that way.

Statistics class last month was intense, but went well. There were
some really fun people who I hope to keep hanging out with here and
there. We've had some fun times together, eating Thai food, and Salsa
dancing and sharing stories and laughing at Al's place.

Back to the flesh thing. Does anyone else relate? I mean, sometimes
it's like you have all these wonderful intentions and you want to serve
God, live by His Spirit, be in the Word daily, pray fervently, be kind
and patient and pure and full of love and peace.... and then you stub
your toe and get a stomach ache.

We sang this hymn in church last Sunday that had this verse:

"And I have vowed to fear and love You,
and to obey You, Lord, alone;
Because the Holy Spirit moved me,
I dared to pledge myself Your own,
Renouncing sin to keep the faith
and war with evil unto death"
(from "Baptized into Your Name Most Holy)

It's that last line that resonates with me. "and war with evil
unto death." That's really what it is sometimes. A war with
evil, and with our own flesh, which, in its sinfulness, desires
things that are at times at odds with what God desires for us,
and gets tired at times when we ought to be praying and feeding
on the Word, and makes me hormonal and angsty at certain times
of the month. Yeah, I said it. Yeah, today was one of those
days. The boyfriend dealt pretty well. We're learning each
other, slowly but surely.

Life can be a struggle, a battle. Then there is the struggle
with recognizing the reality of the unseen. It is all too easy
to get caught up in the material world and forget the equally
real spiritual realm full of spiritual forces and beings, both
good and bad. After a convicting sermon concerning this, I have
been trying to merge the two worlds again in my heart and mind.

These two realms can be merged. The Bible is our guide for
how to live in a way that is fully present in the material realm,
but equally fully aware of and active in the spiritual realm. I
think this is what it means to live in Christ. We have to merge
these realms, by the power of Christ through the inner working of
the Holy Spirit, as we submit to Him daily, in order to live in
victory over these imperfect bodies that will one day be fully
redeemed.

Someday we will truly see. Someday we will fully know as we are
fully known by God. Someday we will see face to face instead of
through a dark glass. But for now we "war with evil unto death."

Praise God we can serve the humble Christ, who came not to call the
righteous but sinners. This same Christ said, "Blessed are the poor
in spirit, for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven." Poor in spirit...
not self-sufficient and full of pride. Thank you, Lord.

Here's another verse from that hymn:

"Yes, all I am and love most dearly I offer now, O Lord, to You
Oh, let me make my vows sincerely, and what I say, help me to do
Let naught within me naught I own, serve any will but Yours alone."

I need to testify - my parents are such gems. They are coming down
tomorrow to help me move. They were here just last weekend and helped
me move out and clean my apartment. I kind of miss it. It was my home
for three whole years. So much happened while I lived there...

I'm excited to see so many people I love very soon in celebration of
Dad's Birthday.

I hope you are well. If you've had one of those days lately where you
just feel a little off inside... know that you are not alone. We all
have days like that. The trick is to just keep going, for tomorrow will
bring new mercies from the Father. Trust in Him, my friend. He is the
only one who will absolutely never let you down.