Poor, neglected blog

I know it's been a while. I'm glad you care, Mark.
: ) That makes my blog feel loved and appreciated.

So ummm....where to begin? (scrounge, scrounge,
refer to journal...scrounge, scrounge..)

How can I even explain how much more happy I am
lately than a few weeks back. Emotion, emotion,
you continue to amaze me.

"Renovation of the Heart" (Willard) has a lot to say
on this topic, and that has been really encouraging
to me lately. He talks about how the mature
Christian who has taken on the attitude of Christ
will have the freedom to choose to act on, or to
refrain from acting on his/her emotions, although
he/she can't help having them. How we respond to
our emotions shows where our commitments really
lie, and what is most important to us.

I think it's easier to be happy when the weather is so
so so NICE. mmmmmm, beautiful Spring, you are
my friend. I love the midwest best of all in Spring,
hands down.

OK, and I'm trying to make conscious efforts these
days not to let my strange class scedule and piano
lessons schedule throw my sleep patterns into
confusion. I'm trying to get up and go to bed at
near the same time every day, and to start and end
the day focusing on God.

Spring break was last week. I had such wonderful
times with Mom, Dad, Mae and Mary darling. The
highlights were: tea and talking with Mae, talking
and eating weird snacks with mom, and dancing
with Mary and mom in the backyard late at night.

Two extremely exciting things are happening this
Friday. I get to meet someone and I get to play
a concert at Signs of Life. Yup, yup.

OK, back to the grind. I hope and pray all who
read this are well.

I ran across this thing I wrote about a year and a half ago. It's a
comparison between the process I go through in waking up in
the morning and what a flower does as it struggles to grow and
bloom.

Morning Routine

Open your eyes and smile
-Push through dirt
Worry just a little
-Imagine the light
Feel a surge of will
-Energy pulsing underground
Fumble, frantic, clock-watch
-Concentrating on its sound
Get your lead feet moving
-Sprout up, not knowing why
Too much tension rising
-Feel like you could die
All this mounting pressure
-Something beating down in beams
Inside there's a surrender
-Giving in to hopeless dreams
Grab your bag and run
-One final, desperate surge
Try to embrace the sun
-From weariness, emerge!
Forget about yourslef
-Stretch your neck up high
Lost and found and glowing
-Reflect your glory at the sky

Everybody's Got Their Pain

Happy March to all.

I get to sing and goof around with a bunch of old people
tomorrow morning. This music therapy thing just keeps
getting better.

Also, God' strength, grace and mercy just keeps getting
better.

I ran across the original lyrics to the hymn "Come, Thou
Fount of Every Blessing" written back in 1758. They are
incredible, don't you agree:

Come, Thou Fount of every blessing,
Tune my heart to sing Thy grace;
Streams of mercy, never ceasing,
Call for songs of loudest praise.
Teach me some melodious sonnet,
Sung by flaming tongues above.
Praise the mount! I'm fixed upon it,
Mount of Thy redeeming love.

Sorrowing I shall be in spirit,
Till released from flesh and sin,
Yet from what I do inherit,
Here Thy praises I'll begin;
Here I raise my Ebenezer;
Here BY THY GREAT HELP I've come;
And I hope, by Thy good pleasure,
Safely to arrive at home.

Jesus sought me when a stranger,
Wandering from the fold of God;
He, to rescue me from danger,
Interposed His precious blood;
How His kindness yet pursues me
Mortal tongue can never tell,
Clothed in flesh, till death shall loose me
I cannot proclaim it well.

O to grace how great a debtor
Daily I'm constrained to be!
Let Thy goodness, like a fetter,
Bind my wandering heart to Thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;
HERE'S MY HEART, O take and seal it,
Seal it for Thy courts above.

O that day when freed from sinning,
I shall see Thy lovely face;
Clothed then in blood washed linen
How I'll sing Thy sovereign grace;
Come, my Lord, no longer tarry,
Take my ransomed soul away;
Send thine angels now to carry
Me to realms of endless day.

Wow, that just hits the spot tonight. Thank you Reverend
Robertson. You just brightened my evening.

So I've been stuck in some sorrow, on and off,
brought on by the troubles of life and my own
inability to percieve things clearly.
(And probably exacerbated by unfriendly
brain chemicals - sometimes they hit hard)
But God is still faithful, and still helping me to
grow and not get stuck too long.

My friend Naomi and I have started praying together weekly
and this has helped tremendously. Things are looking up.

I've come to realize that when things don't look up, it's not
that God is being mean, it's that He's teaching me something,
and helping me to grow. That's not always easy to accept,
but I thoroughly believe that He is always present, always near,
just as it says in Acts 17:27. If it doesn't feel like He's near,
the problem is with the lens I'm looking through, not the
reality of His love and presence.

Because of these things, I can move on with my life.
Here I go, another little faltering step at a time.

As Naomi reminded me last night...you only have to have
a mustard seed of faith. Thank God for that.