Here are the highlights of my Thanksgiving break at home:

--Meeting my beautiful new niece, Brianna! She is the
most precious baby in all the world to me. So sweet.

--A funny conversation with Michial while driving I-29
as he cooked a turkey and made candy.

--Running around and playing in the backyard with
my nieces and nephew.

--Late night conversation and Mark-inspired games
that turned into insightful sharing time.

--Much needed time with Renee, talking, eating food
from Amigos, and sharing some songs at her house.

--Just getting to talk and spend time with Cristy,
Mark, Mae, Mark J., Mary, Abigail, Crystal, Luke,
Mom and Dad. With some of them it was great
talks, with others, it was just those little moments
together that didn't need words (Dad hugs, playing
cars with Luke, etc.)

--A short but wonderful chat with Jamie to interrupt his folding
of church buletins late into the night. :-)

--Getting to help decorate the James family Christmas
tree.

Wow, I'm tired. I drove home last night so I could do some
homework. I almost felt like I was getting sick today, but
I didn't, thank you Lord. I went shopping this afternoon and
got new jeans! Isn't my life so exciting? OK, back to work.

I have to say folks, God is the source of all strength and all
love. He is the reason I can rest in peace. Rest in Him today
and bring Him into the circumstances and worries of your
life. As my niece Mary reminded me, the powers of this world
are nothing compared to His Name!

Seriously, whoever was praying for me to
have a great birthday, thanks.

My dear friend Naomi and I ended up going
out to a restaurant I'd never been to before
and it's my new favorite. Amazing Greek food.

We had loads of unexpected fun afterwards
too. We ended up running into some guys
from Bible study at the Jazzhaus unexpectedly
and it was just really fun to hang out and be
young and single. That gal is such a great
friend, I tell ya what.

If it seems like I have been a bit unavailable
lately, that's due to the National Music Therapy
Conference that was held this weekend in KC.
Wow, what an enlightening experience that
was. I learned lots about my profession of
choice.

I'm so happy that in just a few days I will travel
home to Lincoln and will get to meet my new
niece, Brianna! I can hardly wait.

Oh, and I might be getting a cell phone soon.
Stay tuned.

When did you fall in love with me
Was it out of the blue
'Cause I swear I never knew it
When did you let your heart run free
Have you been waiting long
When did you fall in love with me?

--Chris Rice

So when did I fall in love?
Just today I think.
Well, most every day perhaps.

But today I am happy in a way I've never
been before. It's registering deeper down
then it has in the past. Does that make it
more real? Does that mean I've deepened
as a person? I don't know for sure, but
that's what it seems to me.

Dear Lord, thank you. Just thank you.
You know, I told you again today that if
you would have me serve you alone, I
could accept that, if it was from you and
not just of my own doing. I don't want to
be alone, but if it is where you put me, I
can accept it. But right now, you have
allowed me a hope that my heart is still
dying to understand. So be it. Jesus, "I'll
take anything, anything genuine."

Anything genuine.

Future, mock on. Today, my last of year
23, I am defiant. Life IS beautiful. There
are things that matter, there are things that
matter less. "There is always hope" (quote
from LOTR "The Two Towers").

OK, I have to say it, Jamie, you are the greatest.
Thank you for everything.

Just want to say that if you've had one
of those down days lately, you're in
good company, or at least my company.
:-)

Who knows what to make of all those
crazy wacked out things called feelings!

Guess it was just a crash moment in the
midst of all the "almost nearing the end
of the semester" stress.

But today was grand. I mean, I got some
good work done, had a great talk with
a friend or two and just felt generally
better than yesterday.

I'm doing good. God is oh so patient with
me and I know he hears me when I cry out
in desperate confusion of all the downer
emotions that sometimes surge through
me like they've got nowhere else to go in
all the world. Why gang up on poor little
me, why? I should be used to it by
now, right? Well, it doesn't freak me out
as much as it used to anyways. In the midst
of it I now know that it will pass, no matter
how urgent it feels, and the world will keep
turning.

How are you?

Seriously, what do you think about that concept
of love as an act of the will?

My head is kind of spinning right now 'cause I
just had a conversation with someone who
majorly challenged this concept to me.

Ah, well, the truth must come out eventually.
What is this crazy thing called love?

Dear Lord, once again I see, I am flawed. How
I wish I had the perfect heart at all times. Dear
Jesus, please help me! I want to understand the
Truth, even if it's unpleasant.

What say you about this thought?

Love is AS MUCH an act of the will as it is
anything else.

Fascinating concept, is it not? This was
spoken by Dr. Ravi Z. and I think I am
just beginning to understand how true
this is. As unromantic as it sounds at
first, I think it is the only true basis for
any kind of lasting love, romantic love
included. Love is not a feeling.

Some days I seem to be able to deal with
this concept better than others, but I think
I'm slowly getting better at it. I don't want
to go overboard and start living like a
robot (though I really don't think there's
much chance of my doing that), but I do
want to balance all my emotionalism out
with a more mature understanding of what
true love means. Sometimes, actually a lot
of times, love hurts, isn't pleasant, causes
pain and discomfort. Just look at the life
of Jesus, Paul, etc. But THIS IS love - that
a man would lay down his life for his friend.
That is what love looks like - not two people
gazing into each other's eyes, feeding off of
the chemicals that are produced in their
brains while being near each other when
their relationship is new and wonderful.

Alright, there's my rant. Here's to coming
to God, even when we don't feel like it, and
doing things like praying and reading the
Bible, for these are our tangible expressions
of love to him that we must die to ourselves
and do, daily.

Lord I come to you, without the feelings for
doing so, but still believing in you and
believing that the feelings will come back.
Give me the strength to continue on in my
journey towards knowing and loving you.
Amen.