Hello there blog reader.

Here's my personally insightful comment of the
week from a Wal-Mart co-worker:

"You are the most genuinely happy person I've
ever met, and it's baffling. Every time I see you
you're beaming, and that's not necessarily a bad
thing."

Thanks Leroy. That totally made my day. I told
him it was probably a combination of the fact that
my mother is about the most happy person on earth,
and the whole God thing and having that settled. I
didn't want to sound all Christiany with cliches and
lingo, but at the same time, I wanted to give credit
where credit is due. That's been something I've
been thinking about, and talking to Renee about,
you know, how to be a witness, but in a genuine way
that won't turn people off who have a pre-concieved
notion about Christians.

I have found myself missing my TFC people lately, I
think because I am only just beginning to form new
friendships, and there is this longing and this pain for
friendships of old that have strong foundations as
opposed to these new friendships that could teeter
over in a breath or start to grow, but slowly.

When you are removed from people you are close to,
you lose a part of yourself that was wrapped up with
those people. You must now face the pain of having
to start over with other friends, nurishing an
unsubstantiated hope that there will be positive relational
fruit that comes from your input. But what is there to be
afraid of? Nothing, Lisa, nothing. For there have been
immense failures in the past, but when you look back, they
weren't really failures, because God has worked everything
and is working everything out for good. Not confusion, but
God's clarity will have the last word in these matters; this I
firmly believe, even though some nights I cry, wishing that
all things would be clear right now.

I confess, sometimes I wish I knew the answer to the question,
"Am I ever going to get married, and to whom, and at what
time?" But not having a clue about these things is ok. It is
ok because life is a lot bigger than that question alone. It is
ok because I have a sense of purpose, I have close friendships,
and God always hears me and is with me, even in my despair.
It is ok, because I know that my situation is an incredibly blessed
and advantaged one, and that many would trade places with me,
a healthy young female with many opportunities ahead of her,
and not hindered in any way from seeking out life the way
life presents itself to her from deep inside her soul.

It is good for me to face this now. It is good for me to reflect
on my life and consider my present state and come to terms
with all the possible outcomes.

I have GGGGRRREEEEAAAAATTTT news.

I have put in my two weeks notice at Wal-Mart and am taking
a 32 hr. a week job at West Jr. High being a Paraeducator. I am
going to be working with students from a Boys Shelter who are
in transition from their bad home situations and being placed
in foster care. I will work with them in the regular classroom
setting and will assist them with their studies where it is needed,
and will also just serve as a friend to them during this tough,
transitional time. That sounds so much more fulfilling and nice
than Cashiering!! Thank you Lord for this wonderful opportunity.
Also, the Jr. High has a great music department, and I might be
able to help out with some of that stuff, especially in the Spring
show, because of my music background.

Also, I'm going to be teaching piano lessons through the Lawrence
Piano Studio, which just happens to be about a 1 minute walk from
my apartment (no joke). God, you are amazing. Talk about good
location! And West Jr. High is only a few minutes away as well.
Guess I don't have to worry too much about those pesky gas prices.

Here is something from a book for single women that I've been
reading here and there.

"Where Is Happiness?

I feel that this is the question every young woman should
try to answer, even if she thinks she is well on her way to the
altar. To deal with the question is to acknowledge that she
has an identity and a definition other than as a potential wife.
It is to take seriously her own existence as a responsible
adult. It is to recognize that God relates to women directly,
not only through men. While these items for recognition are
obviousl on an intellectual level, they are not all that obvious
when we are struggling with our emotions.

One reason it is important to decide where you are going
and how is that your mind can accommodate only so many
things at once. If you are concentrating on goals and growth
and relationships, you won't have as much time to dwell on
what you don't have. Also, when you are confident that you
are going someplace, you feel a sense of purpose and are less
likely to enter new situations and meet new people with the
raw edge of hope that "maybe this will be the day, this will
be the person." Such a poignant anxiety communicates itself,
whether you want it to or not.

A woman who is forever waiting comes across as dependent.
This may have been attractive in Jane Austen's day,
but it is far less so today. We live in a fast-paced information
society that assumes we have access to the information we
need to make things happen for us. There is little patience
with people who wait for things to happen to them.

A complication for many young women is that they were
raised to think that they were supposed to wait for Prince
Charming to come and kiss them into real life. Then they,
like Pinocchio, would become real people. They, like Cinderella,
perhaps misunderstoods, unappreciated, wouldn't have to
fear, because the prince would come along eventually
and be an exact match...

Somehow we have based out theology on Aladdin's magic
lamp more than on the Scriptures, on the flying carpet more
than on God's glass of reflection. This leads us to expect and
ask all manner of things that are contradictory to one another
and out of sync with life. When our prayers are not answered,
we know someone is to blame, probably God. Or maybe
ourselves, because we didn't pray right, or didn't have
enough faith, or weren't good enough or attractive enough, or
didn't have the right parents, and so on.

One indicator of maturity is the ability to face reality. Since
there are more women than men of marriageable age, we
must assume that many women are not going to find
husbands. Some of the best women, in fact. I hope that as you
examine the realities of your life, you will also examine God's
ways with people, as shown to us in the Bible, and come to
understand those principles which apply to life today.

If ever there was a woman who had reason to be unhappy...
it was Helen Keller. Yet somehow - through the love of family
and by the grace of God - she came to peace and to fullness of
life. She expressed her thoughts in these moving words:

Happiness cannot come from without.
It must come from within.
It is not what we see and touch
Or that which others do for us
which makes us happy;
it is that which we think and feel and do,
first for the other fellow
and then for ourselves."

What an amazing passage from a very insightful book! It has helped
me to read this, and I hope it has helped you in some way, even if
you're not a single woman. The principles still speak loudly to all of
us I think.

Thanks for stopping by, and have a great day! You are a darling person.

(This morning's park journal entry)

I had never understood what Romans
6:14-25 was really talking about, at least
not in the way I think I understand it now,
until last Monday when Tim had someone
read that passage during Bible study.
Something clicked. For the first time I
caught a glimpse of the flesh and how it
is indeed, through Christ, a separate entity
from the true me. For it is true that I have
every wish and want to to behave in an
entirely holy and upright fashion that, in
spite of my wishing, I often do not.

"For what I do is not the good I want to do;
no, the evil I do not want to do - this I keep
on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to
do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin
living in me that does it." (Rom. 7:19-20)

But in my Christian life I had always held
a sense of shame within myself for the
many times I failed, because I thought
that any failure to walk by the Spirit and
instead behave in a fleshly, desirous manner
indicated that I, at my core, must really want
to sin, and this even in the face of Christ's
sacrifice.

But no! Because of Christ, I am now separate
from the desires of my flesh and desire only
to live by the Spirit, and am given the Holy Spirit
to walk with me and help me to make these new
desires reality. THIS IS NOW WHO I AM, IN CHRIST.

I, Lisa Enns, do not wish to fulfill the lusts of
this decaying world of flesh that lead to death.
I do not desire "sexual immorality, impurity
and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred,
discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition,
dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness,
orgies and the like." (Galations 5:19-21)

And when I stumble, there is repentance and
forgiveness and cleansing available. This is a
gradual removing of grave clothes and putting
on of a new self.

If anything I am saying is way off, please set me
straight, honestly. :-) This was my recent
revelation. There is no place for daily guilt and
shame. Humility, yes, but not shame over the
deeds of the flesh that I am daily and gradually
dying to.

Praise God that, "Therefore, there is now no
condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus"!
That is a great passage (Rom. 8).

Today was a really great day off. I had an
interview at the Lawrence Piano Studio, and it looks
like I'm going to teach there probably ten hours a
week. If I get this paraeducator job working with
Autistic children that I've applied for, then I can
quit Wal-Mart altogether! No more standing on
my feet for 8 hours. Hopefull, anyway. I am
thankful though for the job for the time being.
Yes, yes, thankful.

Why was today good, you ask?
Feeling emotionally balanced.
A morning walk with light rain.
Good journal, Bible, reading time.
Good interview.
Good nap.
Good peanut butter cookie making.
Good time playing the beautiful
Steinway at the Signs of Life coffee house.
Lady asking me for piano lessons at the
coffee house and getting her number.

The only thing missing was you, my friend. :-)
Hope you're having a good day.

Here's what I would like to say:
God loves to answer prayers and intercede for us
when it is in accordance with his will. His will is perfect.
We should make our requests known and then trust Him.

Also, Lord, may I not get too caught up in my own little
world.

One last thought:
You can't know what's in your heart
'till you step out on the water.

Go, be fruitful and multiply. (what?)
Ur, uh, I mean....be joyful and smile! Yeah.
Just be real.

I am marinating, just like cucmbers in vinegar.
So if you wonder where I'm at, what I'm doing
with my life, where I'm going...all I can say is
I'm marinating.

Can you dig it?

It is 7:30 pm and I've been either shopping for
food or cooking food ALL DAY. for real.

So far I've made my first two loves of homemade
bread ever (whole wheat with oregano, chives,
thyme and basil), Vegetable Bean Noodle Bake,
and Dilled (actually chived and rosmarried for
lack of Dill weed) Cucumber Salad - all recipes
from the wondrous cookbook, "Laurel's Kitchen".

Yesterday I went to Clinton Lake State Park for the
first time before work and walked a trail for a while.
It is an absolutely gorgeous park with a beautiful
lake view. And it's only about 10 minutes away!!

I am composing a budget for myself these days.
No more fun musical compositions till this one is
done. Welcome to the real world.

Turns out I am not going to have any extra cash
from my Wal-Mart salary. But it's enough.

Thank you to all my dear friends who have been
an encouragement to me lately. You may not
even know it. Maybe it was just the thought of
you, or a memory. Thank you. I remember the
mood of people, their aura, and all at once my
spirit is lifted. This also happens at work sometimes
when I catch the eye of some unsuspecting child,
and they smile at me, totally unaware of any social
pressures or worries. Their eyes are so full of
hope and trust. It is these kinds of interactions
and those moments of recalling people who have
touched my life that give me strength. It is
remembering all I have in Christ and His loving
care and concern for me. It is His Word.

Abby - I worry about you sometimes. I want to
confess this now. I have prayed for and thought
about you lately because I have been thinking
about my own financial situation and just hope
that you're not going to be overburdening yourself
financially during this time in a manner that will
be hard to overcome. I so hope this isn't the outcome.
I will be so happy if it all turns out awesome, but I
just want to tell you that I'm a bit worried for you.
I'm sorry, I can't help it. It's just so much money.
Oh, but I guess NYU is a once in a lifetime experience
where you will have exposure to all kinds of
opportunities, and who knows where they will lead?
Just promise me you'll get out if you discover it's not
just right for you or if it's just too much pressure and
financial strain, ok?

Sorry, I needed to get that out, I think.

Bethany, I am excited for you and your new life
adventure in the Army!! I hope boot camp is just
fabulous...or at least not as bad as one might imagine.
Jenny and I both agree though, if anyone could do it,
Bethany can.

Hello to everyone else TFC and otherwise related!!

Renee, let's both try to enjoy our jobs and lives during
this transitional, growing time of marination.

Jamie, sorry I haven't written you back yet. I've been
thinking that we should maybe talk on the phone next
time because e-mail can only go so far to convey the
full extent of meaning, and I honestly don't know what
to say at this point. Not in a bad way...I just need some
time to think I guess.

OK, we are now exiting the honesty room.

Welcome to the dishonest part of my blog where I lie
about everything....

now things are just getting silly. I think I should go. :-)

Good-bye for now you beautiful souls. :-)
Sing a song for me.

Hello. I'm back from Georgia, where at least some
people know more than two things about me.

I'm back in Kansas where a handful of people, most
of whom work at Wal-Mart, know that I am Lisa, and
possibly one other random fact about me. But that's
ok. I'm just a little tired tonight.

Lord, breathe meaning into my life. I know you are
with me, but it is hard to focus my mind some days.
Help me to focus my mind on you, on the the things
above, even while at work.

Jill McAfee challenged me with something while in
Georgia. It is something she referred to as "voracious
reading" of the Word. It is a concept in which you
approach reading the Bible like you would approach
reading a novel - straight through - and then over
and over again through the course of many years.
Just reading the Word of God and believing...it's a
simple, essential, beautiful thing.

Tonight I am tired and could use some encouragement.
I'm just being honest here. I'm doing alright, though.

A thought: Life is so confusing, not because it really
is right now, but because it makes sense only when
I look at it backwards. It's like a sentence in a mirror.
You try to read it, but you don't understand it fully
until you get to the end and then put the pieces
together.

I'm at a really odd part of that sentence. Post-
college, pre-grad. school and who knows what else.
I just need someone who knows me to look me in the
eye and say, "It's ok, Lisa. You're on the right track,
and this grunt work is going to pay off later. And by
the way, I'm proud of you and I know you're more than
a Wal-Mart cashier who once lived in Nebraska and
went to Bible college in Georgia. You are Lisa."

OK, thanks for the pep-talk, self. But it's not just a
self pep-talk. It is the combined voices of all the
people in my life who love and care about me. So
thank you, blog reader, for being someone positive
in my life.

Lord, I need you so much.

One last thing. "Cinderella Man" is a GREAT movie.
I recommend it. Doesn't beat "Life is Beautiful" as
my favorite, but it was still excellent.

To all the dreamers, the loving ones, the encouragers,
aka, all my friends who read this, here is a great verse:

"My dear children, for whom I am again in the pains of
child-birth until Christ is formed in you...."
--Galatians 4:19a

What a passion!

May Christ be formed in you, and formed in me. Amen
and goodnight.

Mmmm..I like stuffed chard leaves.

Maybe I'm on the verge of something, something
Maybe it's a gradual uncovering.
Maybe it's somewhere in between
Maybe things are never what they seem

There's a difference between what I do
and who I am
There's a lot that my body can't do
that my mind can comprehend
So who am I?
Where am I found?
What am I capable of
in this town?

Razor blades and make-up
are getting me in trouble today
Rainy days won't wake up
unless you've got something to say
But in the eyes of children
there is a strength that teaches to pray

I'm a very specific kind of woman
I need a very specific kind of man
Someone strong enough for me to lean on
Someone who will take me by the hand
before it's too late

I'm a very specific kind of woman
I need a very specific kind of man
And if I never find the one my heart adores
I'll be grateful for what I have
I have every Spiritual blessing in Christ
I have a chance to really live my life


What in the world was all that? Just a bunch of
journal / song snippets from the past week or so.
It's a look inside my brain and some of the things
that run around upstairs while the world is visiting
downstairs. Sometimes I'm upstairs, sometimes
downstairs, but I'm always conscious of both.

There is a park near Wal-Mart where I can take
my Aztek and my lunch and have a happy break
hour, and that is sssssoooo nice!! The birds were
noisy and the sky was clear today.

My permanent retainer is poking me inside my
mouth! ouch. Need to get that fixed.

Abby is going to New York right now.

I had to kill a spider in the bathroom last night.

Hi, friend. Thanks for catching up on Lisa's Lawrence
world. You are nice and I like you. :-) Have a nice day.

I will be in Georgia for a short amount of time, to play in
Jim and Stephanie's wedding. Fun times.

Praise God, who has heard my prayer.

I have found a wonderful church called
Grace Evangelical Presbyterian Church.
This morning the visiting speaker who
is a missionary in China I believe, gave
a Sermon on Samuel, whose name means
"God hears." It was Biblical, thought-
provoking, and well spoken, though not
flashy.

Afterwards, the lady who hired me at
Wal-Mart, who I had a sneaking suspicion
was a believer, came up behind me and
excitedly exclaimed "Hi Lisa!" Then she
introduced me around, and another sweet
lady gave me a tour of the church and told
me all about a great 20s and 30s group
that meets on Monday nights, and about
how Biblically based the church is.

This is a church I think I could belong to,
and gratefully so. Thank you, Lord!!

I had a wonderful Friday night and Saturday
with my dear mother, sister Mae and niece
Mary. They were my first visitors, and their
visit was such a blessing to me. It is great
to have family with whom you can talk openly
and honestly with, and pray, laugh, and even
sing with. I can't believe Mae had never
played Scattegories before. It was great fun.
Mom won, which isn't surprising. (And this
was despite all my creative efforts. Hey, I
think an Octopus hat must exist as an article
of clothing, somewhere! And Guacamole gone
bad really is something I am afraid of sometimes,
ya know, like when I've made some good Guac.
and it's getting old, but I don't want it to...I try)

Speaking of mom, I would ask any of you
who feel led to keep her in your prayers for
matters concerning her health, specifically
her heart. We're still not completely sure
how serious it is, but in two weeks she will
be undergoing some treatments and possibly
surgery to deal with some blockage in her heart.
This is a scary time for her, but she is placing
her full trust in God through this. I know it isn't
always easy for her though. Please pray for
peace and protection, and true strength for
whatever lies ahead.

Have a great Sunday. :-)

"Hey washboard girl!"
I kept walking, comment not registering.
"Hey...Spider Woman!"
Registers as the name on the back of my
TFC intramural Basketball T-shirt.
I turn around. Then it all clicks.

I went to this "Americana Music Academy
Saturday Jam" last Saturday, just to listen,
but ended up being recruited to play the
washboard along with the ensemble.
And then tonight at the "Signs of Life"
coffee house, on my way up to the Art
Gallery which I hadn't gotten around to
seeing yet, I am, for the first and likely
last time in my life referred to as
"washboard girl." What an unexpected
honor.

I love this town.

Also, working at Wal-Mart I think will be
OK.

I am taking one day - well, more like one
hour - at a time in this crazy new existence
I have been carving out for myself. I am
looking forward, forward, squinting my
eyes into the blinding light, but not
making any bold speculations about
anything. I can't see clearly beyond the two
feet below me that are happily trodding
along, trusting in the One who I trust
to command these roving feet.

Happy day to you.

Dance and sing, read and listen to books on
tape, pray, read the Word, pray, eat well,
do your best to make sense out of life, but
don't worry when your best attempts are so
depressing you just have to cry. That is my
advice to myself that I am trying to take.

Give up all control. Whatever you're holding
onto is just an illusion of control anyway.
Let go, let go, be free from the anxiousness
that eats at you when you're trying to feel
like you have power, that you matter, more
than you do or you ought. OK, Lisa? OK,
I'm trying. It's ok to have no control, no
power, to not matter. In fact, it is in realizing
this that I can be truly free. Is that corretct
thinking? Hmm...

I don't matter in and of myself. Christ living in
me...now that matters. Laying down my life for
the sake of others (oh, show me how), that matters.
Lord, help me. And help all of us to see you more
clearly every day, and enjoy you every day, in
everything we do.

Amen. Goodnight.

A new blog, a new life, a new start.

So far, some days I feel alive and hopeful, some days I feel
alone and unkown. But I've been told to expect to battle
lonliness for at least the first few months.

I miss you all. Yesterday I was thinking about people in my
past on and off all day, specifically Toccoa people like
Bethany, Kelley, Jamie, Jenny, Sarah and Kristin, Kims, etc.
I miss you, and hope you are all doing well. Forgive me if
I've been lax in contacting anybody reading this. I think life
will start to normalize in the next few weeks (well, I'm hoping).

I don't have a job yet, but I have some options. I'm trying to
decide between full-time at Wal-Mart (they offer good benefits
and flexibility) or some kind of part-time deal with this coffee
shop I just interviewed at and another part-time waitressing job,
or something like that. I'm hoping it will just kind of figure itself
out as I pursue all the options the best I know how. Please pray
for God's will to be done in my life.

God has been blessing my spirit in so many ways, even through
some tough moments lately. I know He is always with me, and
even when I'm so confused about which way to go, and even
when I feel like such a foolish child, I know deep down in my
soul that I am never alone.

Here is a Caedmon's Call song (from "In The Company of Angels"
CD) that helped me more than I can explain when it "randomly"
came up on my iTunes party shuffle while I was at a low point.

Laden With Guilt
words by Isaac Watts, music by Sandra McCracken

Laden with guilt and full of fears
I fly to Thee my Lord
And not a glimpse of hope appears
But in Thy written word
The volumes of my Father's grace
Does all my grief's assuage
Here I behold my Savior's face
In every page

This is the field where hidden lies
The pearl of price unkonwn
That merchant is divinely wise
Who makes the pearl His own
Here consecrated waters flow
To quench my thirst of sin
Here the fair tree of knowledge grows
No danger dwells within

This is the judge that ends the strife
Where wit and reason fail
My guide to everlasting life
Throughout this gloomy vale
O may Thy counsels, mighty God
My roving feet command
Nor I forsake the happy road
That leads to Thy right hand

I am so excited for all the lessons and experiences that
lie ahead! Year one in Lawrence, KS...begin!